Heart attack :''(((

Salam..

*(Hi..)


I just gonna say, the problems ain't gonna stop. Before, I thought that life without problems is messed me up.
But now, when life is without anything even just for bit longer would be so much fun.

*(I just gonna say, whether the problems want to stop or not, we need to face it all. Now? life without anything would be so much fun? I'm tell you, you are just hiding your problems, and afraid to solve it. Don't worry, I'll always stand beside you, any problem just find me, I try to solve for you. You just need appreciate my efforts, that's really enough for me. :) )



There are reasons why I can't talk. Problem is always me. It will always be me. The one who less asking. hrmm,,even I cant bear to type the "haha" now.

*(You need to talk or ask, always. I know why you can't talk, you just need time to adapt yourself, so I always try to guide you talk. It's really good way to let you talk.)



I thought that you would ever change, but maybe not. I can't put high expectation on you. That is my worst one. I should ask when I wondered something.

*(High expectation? expect me tell you everything? I'm done it, but you didn't realize it. My brain is not good in memory. Maybe you can say me give you reasons, but I tell u, it's true, sometimes I feel sad about it, really disappointed to myself. Why sometimes I repeat many times in talk or advice, I scare I'll forget to remind you. One way can solve this problem is you can ask me which part you not understand or not clear, my mind will flash out back all the things. )



During the night at Langkawi, when you say ur aunt called you. I have the bad feelings. The food suddenly no taste (yeah, it is sucks) but I choose not to ask. And I can say that there are alooott means alooottt that you could hide from me. It doesn't mean that I don't understand what you guys conversing about I have always the RIGHT to STAND and DO NOT KNOW anything.

*(Night? Tom Yam? sweetie~ the Tom Yam not nice la~ tasteless~ not your feelings affect you. I NEVER hide anything from you. Am I not say anything that night after the call? As usual, she just ask me where am I and what I'm doing, you want to know, you can ask me. Why you don't want to ask me? You afraid to ask me? You ask me, takot sy xsuke? Takot sy terasa? Takot sy fikir you ni sngt sibok? Takot sy rasa you control sy, ape2 pon nk ckp gn u? Well, I tell you now, NEVER think like that before. I'll be more happy when you ask me, maybe you can give some help. So, you can understand me well, as I say, my mind too much rubbish, so I need you to help me arrange it well~ Then I'll tell you one by one, why like this, why like that, then relate another topics, blablablabla~ Help me keep it well. :) One day if one day, I forget everything, you can tell me back one by one~  )



I thought of most of the things I discuss with my parents would hurt you. And it all depends on me. Whether I should tell you or not. "He's not here." "He not going to know if I am not telling him." "I could just lie." "I could just hide it." But thing is 'Why am I telling him?'

*(Thanks. Really thanks. Love you so much. This is a part that I want it. :) )



Oh, I do not feel stupid or played or naive to do so. Because I believe I am doing the right things. Hoping that in future I have the goods back.

I am not going to be afraid any more. As if I can stand, I will. But should I tell you about this? Insya-Allah if I have the will to do so.

To tell you that last night, I have a thinking that, even you know, you think how am I can survive until now? But at least I have friends around to cheer me up. But ever since, I am making myself being abandoned. And at least I cried the LEAST. Not as much as I CRY because of you. You say I can't cry alone. You are right. You are responsible for that. Because you responsible for that.

I hope I am not going EVER make you cry (sad is other part) so that in future I am not gonna cry very much anymore. I have no guts to type more. I should end it.

I wake up already at six. Normally no because as I sleep later than 12.30 I won't. But it shows that I couldn't sleep well last night. Totally less than than 3 hours.

Tell you also, I am going to lose you, at least I can say Ahamdulillah that I have such experience from you.

*( Why you are going to lose me? =='' Don't think too much. Be Strong. I'm here. :) )







p/s i never imagine that i would hurt so much like i hurt last night. my heart just like stop pounding. at least, thanks Allah for giving me the chances of how the feelings of loving someone soo deep downside. I am not regret for have the hurt one. 


*(p/s not so like if you related to HIM, sorry~)



always thinking that YES, if anything bad happen, the one who hurt so much is gonna me ad me.

*(never~don't worry~ :) )










*(kit replied)